I would tell her to leave for awhile to decide what you want to do. Update: Discovered wife has had an affair, have kids, she doesn't know that i know. both of you need to take the 5 love languages test online. I just want this to be over. We weren't as close at the beginning of our marriage because I was working so much, but since having kids, we grew to be a lot closer. Her story about breaking it off 2 months ago is suspicious; as recently as 2 months ago, she was giving him the old messages to reignite his interest and resume the affair. I have told our teenage kids so they could help their father with this, they're very upset with me as they should be. Confront affair partner. I apologize in advance for the long story. I had an emotional affair. To stop being jealous. If one of them was in a superior role then that person should be fired. A personality change may indicate she’s hiding regret about past infidelity. Counseling is not a cure all but it will help improve the chances of this marriage working out. Jane and John had a beautiful wedding and had their first child soon after they were married. Reading those messages, even if they say exactly what your wife told you, will only bring your anger back up and bring you back to where you were emotionally 2 years ago. My wife (32F) and I (30M) got married in September 2018 after being together for 3 years. Maybe something happens, maybe not. Then she wanted to get back together and told me that It was absurd, but my wife was really committed to making the marriage work. I never once did or thought of it. He made the decision to cheat MULTIPLE times. 3. I think my wife is having an affair. She came back home, brought all her things, initially she was open to stop talking to the neighbor she had an affair with. He had a months long affair (well one that you are aware of) so it isn’t like he was at a bar, got drunk on his butt and made the poor decision to have sex with a stranger once. Don't reconcile if you feel you can never trust your wife or you have decided you want out of the marriage with her. It may have gone on pause while they're on vacation, but it isn't over. About 2 months ago I caught my wife in a park with another man. Set aside cash in a safety deposit box, adding to it monthly, and keep a bug-out bag packed and ready to ghost her. Our relationship is more like a close friendship. Found out wife was having a year long affair! Three days ago i had to call my wife's family for her and noticed a text from a guy. I suggest there's reading material and deeper advice available for your wife on www. For the next few weeks, limit your affair questions to 2-3 times per week, for a limited amount of time that is NOT just before you go to bed. Tell her she has two weeks to make her mind up what's more important her job and her affair or you and her family. NeedSupport. He is so completely devoted to his son. I’m approaching 2 years since this happened (April 16 2022) and trying not to get to in my head about things. If you’ve noticed your wife seems guilt-ridden, insecure, or has a new defensiveness to her personality, it may stem from cheating in the past. He's kind and gentle and a hard worker. Often times, people cheat because they want the So my wife had a four year affair that broke up in March. Never let someone live in a lie. I even disgust myself. Started going through the messages and was mortified to read the most explicit messages and shared pics. So like I said above, I (M27) found out last week that my wife (F26) had been having an affair for 5 months. My wife said that when she read the reasons for why your wife had the affair, it physically made her sick to her stomach. From admission or discovery to atonement to acceptance, the long-term affair is an inevitable call to action. Calmly. My wife and i have been married for ten years and have two kids, a boy (8) and a girl (6). Update. The kids were at her sister's place. My wife (32F) has been having an affair, and I’m broken. I was 19 and a college sophomore. She canceled that wedding just a few weeks before the day- I remember that distinctly since I was invited, and we were friends at the time. So, when I got out, I felt like my life was over. The only thing that I truly know is that I am devastated for my children. Since your first choice is to try to make this work I would strongly recommend that you and your wife seek out professional marriage counseling to help you deal with the fall out from the mess that she has made. /r/all. Put some heat on him. No if, no "we will speak only about work". In hindsight, it was the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Don’t stay up until dawn, it’ll only wear your resistance and emotions down further. Ignore her opinion on that. We’ve been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts; we were each others first relationship and first everything. , 2 years is not surprising. Right before our honeymoon, we bought a house together in VA, and after we got back, pooled our remaining money and time to completely redo her old starter home in MD and sold I had an affair that lasted 1,5 years and ended 6 months ago. The day before yesterday, I came home to find my wife had cooked for me my favorite meal for dinner. Apr 4, 2023 · Get intensely angry and react very (sometimes very, very) strongly, Or, Pretend it didn’t happen. You also need her to delve into why she had the affair rather than deal with problems directly. That there’s nothing wrong with having friends from the opposite sex. I'm so sorry. May 3, 2023 · The discovery of an affair is a wake-up call for a marriage. She was guilty all thoughout the affair, and the period after I found out has been a nightmare for her. Minimally, your WW should be seeing a therapist versed in infidelity. Her phone was always on silent or Tell your wife she has to find a new job ASAP. 4 days ago I searched through her phone after noticing that she had a long conversation with a guy friend the day prior. She was 18 and a freshmen. If you choose to reconcile, the wife will need to quit. So I had to continue the sessions for a while. Get enough sleep. Seduce Them All Over Again. I am so thankful for another chance to be his wife. Feb 27, 2020 · This experience may hold the following consequences: 1. Caught my wife having an affair. Its hard to act normally in these circumstances and she was piecing everything together. She had a full-fledged emotional affair with her boss, and who knows with him being the boss they actually ever got to meet up and have a physical of her. Yesterday I found out that my wife is having an affair. Last night she kept asking why I was acting weird etc, getting upset because i was avoiding her etc, that this is serious and I was forced into showing my hand. In Feb of this year I began an emotional affair after my wife was very jealous of And because of that, she disrespected you and emasculated you time and time again. Found out about my wife's affair with her coworker. TL;DR: Ex is still with the AP but is messaging me to tell me that she wishes she had gone about things differently, and that she misses us being a family. In the first, the anger and resentment are so You've been together for 10 years. I hope the other betrayed spouse has taken 1/2 the money out of shared accounts and closed out credit cards because this AP really doesn't have anything to lose so he may decide to clean out the bank accounts and charge up the credit cards. AITAH for "robbing" my wife's affair partner which has now lead to his divorce? I (32) have been married to my soon to be ex-wife (30), Madison, for four years. 2. At some point consult a divorce attorney, look at your option. Then tells me that she cheated and that it included texting and a kiss. g. The Long story short, I stuck it out for our kid while my wife had a 6 month affair that I knew about almost the whole time. 2006. She hates going to work and feels trapped by her family obligations. I don't know what to do now. Infidelity. I couldn't believe I had done it when it was over. Do this as fast as you can and try to get a reasonable settlement in the divorce. 33M (ME), 30F (Her), 23M (Affair partner). For the cheater, the spouse provides stability, a Here's your choices: Dump her. I confronted my wife about her affair. This is a throwaway account, so I have no reason to lie. Since I had 0 self-worth and had invested so much time into making her happy, my number one directive in life (try to keep her happy) was gone. I became so distant that she accused me of having an affair. Stay with her but don't love her with no holding back. Throwmawayhey. Affairs have consequences. I came home a little early the other day, and my wife wasn’t home. The affair ended because I came to to the realization that I love my wife. • 3 yr. I do love him, but our bedroom was dead and the intimacy was lacking. He is good to me too. Tell her she has to go in IC, go for it So a few weeks ago my wife tells me that we need to talk nothing out of the ordinary. I calmly confronted her about my suspicions when she came home late last night. • 9 yr. No kids or property, so it’s very different, but I had an exit strategy in the works for a month. I found out my wife has been having an affair. Tell his spouse and decide if you even want to reconcile. 10 years together. A few weeks after the affair discovery day, Wife revealed that she had cheated in past relationships also. Surviving long-term infidelity, however, is particularly exacting. im gonna recommend things that changed my wife and i's relationship for the better. You have to. A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. My wife had a short affair. As long as your wife is still in contact with her affair partner, she is still actively in the affair. You would want her to do that for you to. [Update] Ex is regretting her choices, it seems. I hope that you have some outside support and people to lean on through the next year. Keeping it in that long is so difficult especially once my SO noticed I became distant too. The affair isn't over. Her dissatisfaction must have then started long before the depression, because if she thought that you were being emotionless and cold, at the beginning of your depression phase, she should have thought of saving the marriage and not cheating. If a man's word is worthless, the man is worthless. I keep telling her she needs to be truthful if she has any hope if making it work. Both reactions can cause even more damage to the relationship, and neither are helpful. r/Marriage. Mar 23, 2022 · Drstrangelove (original poster member #80134) posted at 7:03 PM on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022. And if your wife was cheating with this guy, there may have been others. We have two young kids and have been together for 10 years. I never knew that my wife knew about my affair. I’m not gonna pretend that I’m a good man. We are still married and we have an amazing son. We went through a rough patch In our marriage where we were barely communicating or having sex and i had a three month affair with a co-worker which she found out about by reading our texts. She said the reason why is because now that is gone forever. If not him, then it would have been someone else. Later she admitted to me that it has been going on for 7-8 months, though I suspect longer. About a year and a half ago, my wife began to overcome some chronic pain that had been really holding her down for years. The affair had taken place for 2 weeks of actual intimacy and she had been with him for a month talking to him and smoking weed with him. And if it doesn't sober her up quickly, then just continue with the divorce. We have sex around 4 times a year. D-day may have been half a year ago, but the affairs still strong and ongoing. Don't give up your heart totally and guard it so that you can walk away at the first sign of disrespect or infidelity. Cheating can significantly impact someone’s self-esteem. I work on a river barge, so I spend about a month away from home at a time for work followed by two weeks off. I crossed it long before that. Also during this time we became empty nesters. Think she wants to hear me tell her that I want to fix things, but have no plans of taking her back. Married for 9 years. Found out wife has been having affair for 5 years. IMO your wife misses the fantasy version/friendship. . During the affair, I worked on myself heavily. As if a “moment of indiscretion” or “lapse in judgment” isn ADMIN MOD. He also has a 9 year old son from his previous marriage. I can send you tips but she needs to go NC with her affair partner, block and delete his number, tell his wife and apologize to her and commit 100% to reconciliation. Long story short, my wife had been having an affair for a few months, she came clean to me about it and then she killed herself 3 days later. Things will never be the same. We have two small children, both under the age of 7. Our kid was only 2 at the time. I caught her because another co-worker reached out to me to let me know what was going on. Welcome to Surviving Infidelity. My wife had an affair. My wife and I are both mid-30’s. She did a revenge cheat, you forgave (so you say) and moved on. All her friends know about it, and that must be humiliating. She had sex with him multiple times and withheld sex from you to stay loyal to him. She agreed that this was very inappropriate and that she would stop this Fast forward to now. I was one of those people who believed marriage was a lifetime commitment, for better or worse. We have been married 25 years. Right now I am not trying to look for another girl, I just want this divorce to end. Emotional and physical. Rule one in surviving infidelity is zero contact with AP if your gonna try and work it out. If she was so rooted in her christian upbringing she failed a big test. You have already made peace with the physical and emotional affair and the totally telling you everything is not as easy as it sounds because she also felt shame about her decisions. Your wife is a liar. Nov 23, 2012 · Marriage and Life Partnerships. About a week ago, I found out my wife had been having an affair. Jan 23, 2019 · Infidelity changes you. Then, they had two more children. I’ve (28M) been keeping light contact with my wife (28F): she texted that she was going in for the post-suspension meeting. Found things to preoccupy myself (hobbies, not other women). Divorce solves some problems and creates some problems. -1. Ask her a total time-line of her and him. Need advice. njsand2110. I went to therapy and eventually got my wife to start couples therapy with me. Be a good person. This behavior begins to reinforce the ability to be self-regulating rather than compulsive. And I'm sad to tell you this, but your wife showering in the middle of the day, isn't a good sign at all. I usually ask the unfaithful spouse to be the one responsible for making sure these conversations happen. She doesn’t know that I know yet. We stayed together and have been married for 36 years. The AP will see that he has nothing more to lose so he'll just take what he wants including OP's cheating wife. Apr 17, 2019 · Sustained anger tends to intensify rather than ease the hurt of a betrayed spouse, slowing his/her personal recovery. I’ve been doing this for the last year since I got laid off from my other job. When the affair was happening, she had gone into a super secret mode. I will say, my SO was cheating on me for a year before I found out. I told her I was leaving. Find the co-workers wife and tell her about the affair. I have been short with my wife in the past, never physical, and likewise she's a Nov 9, 2022 · 11. They were stable financially, had thriving careers, and Jane could not wait to marry John and have children. Your wife was a serial cheater. Last year, I engaged in a nearly year-long affair with a coworker. first. We have a 3 year old daughter together and found out she was pregnant in September 2018 with my son. Mind you I knew she had guy friends and was accepting of it. She knows you are dependable and loyal and she will continue to walk all over you if you allow her to. A relationship is nothing without trust. Award. I suggest: Lawyer up. This is a support sub, a safe place to ask for advice and guidance. For example, you need strict no-contact with the other guy. We could afford to live apart, but not lavishly. I had an affair. I found out while she was going on a 'girls trip' that she actually went and picked up her boss and spent the weekend in an air bnb. I have had a suspicion the entire time, I confronted my wife about it several times and she made it out like I was being a crazy jealous husband. Inform your wife's workplace HR. He lives out of town and they have had two trysts. Now we have been together for 21+ years and I could tell she was lying about something. Last Tuesday I (37M) discovered that my wife (37F) was having an intense emotional and physical affair with a colleague on the town PTA for the last three months. Introduce their primary partner to their affair partner. My husband is the most wonderful father I have ever met. com. Don't be naive, it was a physical/emotional affair, that was probably ongoing for sometime since you don't seem to have a clue regarding the timetable. If so, if you want to move on with this woman, you need to leave the affair in the past and work on the relationship you have now. r/Infidelity. It was always in the cards. Once it is out in the open, the response can take a couple in one of two directions. If you're here, it's because you are surviving, or have survived, infidelity in a relationship that you thought was life-long. She said that they were just friends. We have two kids. We had three young kids at the time, 8, 6, and 1. We met in 2004 and married in 2012. I have been trying since I found out the depth of their relationship in August to come to terms with it and stay with her. I know you want to keep your family together, but your marriage is already over. I generally have bad anxiety, and I have found that the whole divorce process has really taken a toll on me. My wife (31yo) and I (32yo) have been together for 11 years, married for 2. He found someone else. She has always been there. My husband and I get along really well but over the years the intimacy has dwindled. This is so precious to my wife and I, we talk about this at least every week. I had some suspicion, so I followed her to a hotel room where she was supposed to meet the guy. It was surreal. She also said she teared up for you for a bit. So the low down is me (M27) and my wife (F28), we've been married 6 years. Sometimes those consequences result in a new life. He was born June 6, 2019. you probably will need more now than usual. Wife was engaged to be married about 3 years before we started dating. Confront her. A major change was my wife became very transparent about her daily activities. Mourning the Affair. survivinginfidelity. We are currently in counseling but it is not going to work. They don’t deserve the the stress that is coming their way. She had left a chat window open Therapy, you're going to need it, this is a massive blow. im M35 my wife is (f35) and 7 years ago my wife had an affair it is the most soul crushing experience. About a year ago I found out she was having an affair by coming home to their clothes in our living room and ADMIN MOD. I found out that my wife was having an affair with her boss. Friday I woke up to a text from her “friend “ telling me that they had been having an affair since February. Wife wants divorce. She has to deal with my feelings and have conversations with me. : r/Marriage. We've been together for 10 years, married less than 1, but as I'm in my early 30s, the relationship and my partner have been a fundamental part of my life for what feels like forever. He was going through a divorce and she had just been there talking and trying to help. Eventually life went back to normal. There are no 100% guarantees, love is a risk every time. As long as she has 0 remorse about her actions, there is nothing there to redeem or save. Idk what I expect to hear from this but I've gotta get it off my chest before I do something I can't take back. freeride376. An hour later, she said she was fired. Also if he has a wife or SO you have to contact that person and tell he everything you know. Help! Wife had an affair and I don't know what to do. You know she had physical affairs with the sewers. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. I knew what I needed to do, but it was a lot of change and work. My wife is committed to rebuilding, but I’m struggling. When we were little kids, we were even neighbors. During this time she has also been involved in a family business that puts a lot of stress on her. I (28M) found out that my wife (28F) had an affair with her former supervisor (35M) at work who’s married himself with kids. This has been the hardest year of my life. She had an affair. We had been married for 3 years at the time and were trying to have kids, but had fertility issues and both were having a hard time with that. It's evidence that your wife is not entirely out of the affair fog/fantasy. My wife (35f) confessed to an affair that ended 6 months ago. I definitely felt like something was 4 years ago my wife had an affair with a co-worker. For context, we have been together for -15 years, married for 5, and have a 15 month old son. Just go into it with your eyes open. Her “reasons” for cheating essentially boil down to “I Wife had an affair and I don't know what to do. Regardless of your decision to stay in your relationship or to go, we are here to support you on your path to recovery. I received a timeline from my wife of her affair with her co-worker. Now you say she had a year long affair with a family friend! Are we to believe that you are just roommates and live separate lives, or did you rug sweep and never discuss or resolve the issue. Maybe a divorce is the correct course. Aug 22, 2014 · Lesson One: Affairs start before you do anything. If he ever attempts to contact her, she needs to tell you about it without undue delay. So, I was left with no goals in life anymore and no self-worth. And we have 2 children. The years that followed involved marriage and starting a family. Yup. If you think your wife took precautions you are probably wrong again- get tested for STDs. I just got back from a job, and found out that my wife has been having an affair with an old boyfriend that recently came back to town. My “best friend” (F36) confessed to me that she and my husband had an affair last year, that ended around Christmas time my 2023. It shouldn’t be a surprise that people can react strongly when they find out their partner has had an affair. The worst thing you can do is to stay in a dysfunctional marriage. It's non-negotiable. I have been married to my wife for 8 years. In the past 5 years, he was reacquainted with an old friend of his, someone he knew from uni. ADMIN MOD. And our marriage have been great with the normal ups and downs. The affair partner does not learn how to communicate directly and resorts to the underhanded tactics learned in the family of origin; 2. Either she get a new job, or a new home. My wife cheated on me then ended her life 3 days later. Showing the partner "look how much I'm suffering" can feel tempting for okay. I had noticed some distance there on her part, but she always seemed to have what sounded like valid reasons. Your experience is almost the same as mine. Since she wasn’t home I figured that I would just pull the info form the reservations in her email. She needs to know so she can make an informed decision too. Ever since she started the affair, her life has been hell. In order to justify crossing boundaries and cheating she brain washed herself into believing their was a deep soulful connection. At that moment, when she was laying into me, and calling me a liar, I did it. newbeginnings1017. They’re loving the flirting, the sympathetic ear, and the excitement of feeling special again. My(M40) wife (F39) is having an affair. Dec 4, 2023 · An emotional cheater becomes dependent on the other woman for emotional highs. They sober up pretty quick then. Figure out what you need from her. Quick backstory: I first met my wife in Nov. I (36M) was absolutely blindsided last night. My advice: go and get an STD test today and whatever you do, don't have sex with your wife. After 10 years together, my wife left me for the neighbor, she lived with him for a few weeks but she finally decided to give us a chance and try again with me. For some background info, my wife (35) and I have been married for 11 years and have two young children together. Throwaway for obvious reasons. Get the papers going as soon as you can and serve her them. We are not having a great time, I will admit now I am not the husband of the year, but I do want to do better. If he was cheating with your wife, he may have been cheating with others. Some of which is my fault, some is hers, and some is both of us. Jun 18, 2015 · Regardless of the reason, open communication and commitment to each other is necessary for getting to the root of what caused the affair. She doesn't respect you. It just does. File for divorce and tell her if she doesn't cut all contact with ap and find a new job you will submit papers for divorce. I didn’t cross the line between fidelity and infidelity when I first kissed, said I love you, or had sex with the other woman. i may not understand your pain, but i am familiar with it. My wife lied to me for almost an entire year. Ive been married for 11 years, I found out last week my wife was sleeping with her boss for 5 years. I live by that phrase. I'm a man of my word and it's all a man has. The betrayed, the betrayer, the marriage — everything morphs. she kicked me out of the house for a few weeks but later let me back in and we've been in couples therapy. Through her actions, your wife has removed the possibility of “having it all. Dec 22, 2023 · Infidelity can cause a marked shift in someone’s character. Be very careful not to rug-sweep this affair. We discussed the STD tests. So yeah, 11 days ago OP had a new boyfriend called John (61) that she’d been dating for 2 months, who loved how FAT she was and didn’t want her to get WLS because he had an ex who had the surgery and “She ended up having multiple short term affairs with guys from work and the gym, and eventually though he kept forgiving her, she left him Title basically sums it up. She has been living with that knowledge during my entire Dec 23, 2013 · They say “kill her with kindness” and when it comes to affairs, that’s often the only way to manage the situation. I needed some of our travel dates for an update to my security clearance. Here are two “beginning steps” in my affair that started before a single inappropriate word or touch was made. Your wife isn't remorseful, nor has she stopped her affair. I have been there where you are and my wife has proven to me for the past 31 years that i made the right decision for taking her back. Despite all of my familial baggage, I've made my way in the world, have been in a loving relationship with my wife for nearly 38 years, have an amazing family, and broke the cycle of poverty that my much of extended family remains trapped in to this very day. He doesn't do drugs, doesn't hit me, is all around a good guy. So my wife and I just celebrated our 6 years being married. We haven't been married for that long, and we don't have any children, so I don't think alimony will even be considered. We have three children, one still in High School. ” So now you must choose which negatives you prefer. You don't have to make any decisions right away. AMA. First report it to the school. We have two children (seven and three) and the Research of infidelity shows that there was nothing you could do or say to prevent her from having an affair. Grief and sadness are natural ADMIN MOD. Unfaithful partners take steps to hide their affairs. We have learned that he has depression, which makes the fact that I had an affair even worse. We were married 11 years when she had an affair with a married coworker while traveling for work. It was intense. its free and maybe 15min. I broke up with the other woman. She broke my heart a few months ago telling me that she didn’t love me anymore. He didn’t give a flying fart about you or your feelings as long as he was having sex with his Affair Partner. We have not had the smoothest ride during our relationship. The quickest way to help them out of their affair fog is to serve them divorce papers and make them move out of the house. Give yourself space and time to grieve. It takes time (e. Sure, some partners might use infidelity as an exit strategy, ultimately wanting Aug 7, 2015 · That’s because a person who’s had a long-term affair behind his or her spouse’s back is usually emotionally attached to both individuals. Your wife needs to leave the house for a while, you can't think with her around and she needs to face consequences for her actions. Soon, Jane and John were a couple, on a whirlwind romance, and planning a wedding. About his wife, inform her. This discovery has surely sent you into shock and can be as traumatic as a death in some ways. He will tell you to stop being too insecure. We have been living together for 11 years, owned our home together for 6. ago. zo cw ju zk du da wo zf ar go